If brand names always told the truth…

Brand names are important because, over time, they come to reflect the values of a product or service as perceived by their customers.

That’s why, when you are sending a package that absolutely, positively has to be there overnight, the first company that comes to mind is FedEx. Or if you’re looking for hard-working, reliable farm or lawn equipment, you know that nothing runs like a Deere.

But sometimes brands fail to live up to their values. Or the marketers of those brands get a little bit ahead of the curve – assigning values that the brands haven’t actually earned.

Here, as a useful example, is a list of brands – and what they would be called if they had been named by the consumer who know them best:

Spirit Airlines = Dispirit Airlines

Wal-Mart = Cheap Crap from China

Toyota = Toofasta

Chrysler Pacifica = Chrysler Pieceoshitica

Verizon Wireless = Check the Bill Carefully

Goldman Sachs = Heads I Win Tails You Lose

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